Chapter 4
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Chapter 4
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The giant screen which had been suspended above the Hall of Excessive Celebrations was broadcasting the patient and expectant face of Queen Knives. Crowds had gathered to love and adore her as they always did and always had to. And who could not? One of the things that the inhabitants of Cartonia Orange 7 did so often was to overlook the Queen’s absolute beauty (It was quite an unnoticeable aspect, as quite a few of the silicon-based life forms inhabiting the moon were not, as you might say, noticeably attractive. Being larger than life and hard as diamonds was an acquired taste to say the least). Objects, things and people bowed and scraped, and heads crunched with delight. The face of Queen Knives flickered into focus on the all-encompassing screen. “Kingy?” she wailed. A hushed and embarrassed silence enveloped the adoring subjects as Queen Knives strained to view them. The smile fell from an already smileless face. “KINGY!” she cried. “Where is my little king? Kingy-poos, where are you?” There came, of course, no answer. “Where is my King?” she continued, getting angry now. A handful of her subjects had fainted. “King Cigarillo, my love, my sweetheart, where are you?” A mysterious tall figure stood up from its kneeling position and moved towards the massive screen. It was a machination of the Devil, bad fortune, ills that flesh is heir to, and very, very habitual. “My name is FlightOfFancy,” said FlightOfFancy, “and I believe I may be able to help you. “ Queen Knives noticed him immediately and regretted it forever. * * * King Cigarillo yawned and looked at Milon. With spontaneity, free will and total pleasure, he gently stroked the green hairs around the Assassin’s genitalia. “I‘m drunk,” said the King with befuddlement. “I‘ve been drinking this awful beer for about nine weeks now and I’m pissed on a clash of creeds.” “On what?” said Milon, who was drunk too. “On beer and stuff and things and stuff. “ “What are you doing to the back of my right shin?” “Fondling.” “Well stop it!” said Milon. “Why?" the King whined. “Because I‘m spent.” “I think I’ve burnt your hamstring.“ “I didn‘t know I had one.” Amidst the dispossession of the post-coital enigma, the two confiscated lovers sprawled and smudged across Cigarillo’s Royal bed. With clockwork precision, mists of error and real-time paradox they fondled and caressed. Warped notion, exploded notion and bubbles of self-deceit led to the delicacy of an unvarnished tale and back again. All events, strictly speaking, were told with mathematical punctuality. The sinuosity of the King’s hyperbola body excited Milon tremendously, but he could never admit it. His spiral, coiled, helical and turbinated body loved every inch of the King’s magnificent, buckled torso. “I love your buckled torso, “ said Milon, “though I would never admit it to you.” “I think I love you too...” “Do you mean that?” “No.” “So why say it?” “Just for kicks!” “I hate you,” said Milon. “No you don‘t,” said the King, he was calm and in control. “I love you then.” “Liar.” * * * “I love you then,” said FlightOfFancy. “Liar!” shouted Queen Knives. “Please! Don’t torture me so.” “I can’t help it. WHERE IS MY DEAR KING?” FlightOfFancy smiled. “He’s been buccaneered," he said. “Stolen, robbed, kidnapped, raped, embezzled and kidnapped." “Embezzled! “ screamed the Queen. “NO!" “Plundered by a Jack Diddler. Pigeoned by a Bill Sikes. Gone, doomed, smuggled, poached, lifted, sponged...” ‘1 Yes, yes! I get the general idea! How can you help me?” “ I, I’ said FlightOfFancy, “am a Knight in Shining Armour and you are my Damsel in Distress. With this in mind, I can do just about anything.” “Find me this thief and I will reward you well, my boy.” “I will do your will, my lady, but I am no boy. “ “Then what are you?” “I don’t know,” said FlightOfFancy, “I haven’t decided yet.” And with that he strode out of the Hall of Excessive celebrations like he was exiting a stage. Queen Tougher-than-Knives smiled the kind of smile than could freeze the private parts off a mortal man at fifty paces. * * * Milon smiled apologetically at King Cigarillo. His earlier excitement and boisterousness had merely caused embarrassment. The King and Milon sat on the bed and blankly watched the 5D Holoscreen. There was a programme on about the muscadine and ambrosial people of Planet Fragrancia. The screen showed a young man dressed in orange and red and shaped like a misshapen flower. The King smiled happily and laughed a kind laugh. ”Did it hurt?” said Milon to the King. ”Excuse me?” “When you fell from Heaven, did it hurt?” The King was embarrassed again. “Shut up, “ he said, “or I‘ll kill you!” “But I‘m an Assassin,” said Milon the Assassin, “you wouldn‘t stand a chance of getting even the smallest knife anywhere near me.” “Want to try it?” the King ‘s tongue flicked out maliciously. ”No.“ King Cigarillo was tired already with married life. “We must escape her,” he said to Milon. “We have to get away.” “What ‘s wrong?” “I‘m exhausted. Ready to drop, out of breath, more dead than alive, dog tired. One is walked off one’s legs, I'm played out; hors de combat. “ “Then,” whipped Milon, “let us leave. We will abscond!” “How exciting! Yes, let’s do it.’’ “My super-powered mini-ship is just parked out the back, get your things together and I’ll see you there in five Cartonia-minutes.” “I’ll be there! “ said the round-faced King. And he was. * * * Jennifer the Complete watched from a less than respectable distance as Milon and the King hurried into Milon ‘s super-powered mini-ship. “Fools! “ she thought. “They will never get away with it!" The same mysterious tall figure slipped beside Jennifer. “I believe they will,” said FlightOfFancy. “Who are you?” said Jennifer. “The wonderful Queen has hired me to stop them eloping. I am a catcher. “ “Will you catch them?” “No,” said the mysterious FlightOfFancy, “I will let them go. They have many adventures to adventure, and many sights to see. And besides, I now love the Queen myself. She will be mine." “Good luck,” said Jennifer. “You’ll need it.” And she couldn’t help but feel sad. She doubted that she would ever see Milon ever again. Her encounter with R R Arre had left her feeling empty and r-some. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she loved Milon now. With density and solidity she sat down to cry. But then she remembered her QGA mission. |
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